How to Streamline Your Stuff
Helpful secrets I've learned from decluttering experts
In the spirit of fresh starts, I’m sharing insights I’ve gleaned from investing thousands of dollars in decluttering sessions over the last decade.
In this ~10 minute read, you’ll learn:
How knowing yourself helps you overcome decluttering roadblocks;
Three powerful and effective alternatives to keeping something; and
Why constraints are your friend — but only if you treat them that way.
If you read until the “tippy end” (as my younger son says), you’ll also learn some exciting news I’m thrilled to be able to share!
My husband Ross and I stood in our garage, staring at a collapsed turquoise beach tent.
It had provided precious shade on beach days when our kids were younger, and we’d set it up on sand from San Diego to Newport to Tahoe over the last decade. But now neither of us could remember the last time we’d used it. And even collapsed, it was taking up a lot of space.
“I guess we should donate it,” Ross admitted.
“I guess so,” I agreed.
In it went into the growing pile in the middle of our garage.
Clutter is delayed decisions
This scene took place last month, when we undertook our latest home purge.
Three of the four people in my house celebrate birthdays in December and January. Those plus the winter holidays mean a big influx of stuff this time of year…which leads to clutter.
I’ve found that clutter zaps my energy and well-being, and it seems like a never-ending battle to keep it at bay in our small footprint home.1
To get ahead of the influx, we recently hired a third-party expert to help us create much-needed breathing room in our home.
We let go of toys my kids hadn’t played with since they were toddlers; art supplies we panic bought during many months of remote learning; and items we stored in our garage in case we needed them "someday" (e.g., the aforementioned beach tent).
During the process, I was reminded of something profound I read in the Japanese bestselling book by Fumio Sasaki, Goodbye, Things.
Clutter is delayed decisions.
As Sasaki writes, “It’s not the act itself but the decision to act that takes time.”2
Our decluttering session definitely took time — two full days! — and emotional energy. But like any challenge, the more we do it, the easier it gets.
In fact, this was the third time over the last decade we’ve hired outside help to help us tame our stuff.
Several of those experts have since written books, which I’ve added to the Practically Deliberate Recommended Reading List and encourage you to read for more in-depth wisdom, if you’re seeking it. You can also check out my recent interview with
about her latest book.Today, I’m sharing three insights that have helped me — a person who once devoted a full dresser drawer to storing greeting cards and passed notes from friends — streamline my stuff and make peace with holding onto less.
Know yourself (and your hangups)
Ross and I first sought out professional help with our stuff nearly 10 years ago when we were expecting our second child. We needed to turn our cluttered third bedroom (an office/storage space) into a nursery for the newest member of our family.
A friend had recommended a decluttering service highly (thank you, Ana!) and truth be told, we hired them not knowing exactly what we were getting ourselves into.
It turned out that two days with them was transformative — not only for our space but also for our mindset.
With their help, we took a frank look at WHY we held onto so much; learned alternatives to keeping stuff; and ultimately let go of a massive amount of items no longer serving us.
Three years after we worked with these experts, they published the insightful book New Minimalism: Decluttering and Design for Sustainable, Intentional Living. In it, the authors (Kyle Louise Quilici and Cary Telander Fortin) lay out four types of collectors:
The Connected type has an emotional, relational and impassioned way of approaching the world, treasuring family and friends.
The Practical type operates from logic; has a data-driven, methodical and factual way of approaching the world.
The Energetic type exudes energy in tackling projects and obstacles; is deeply committed to hobbies.
The Frugal type plans for the future but is rooted in the present; is intentional with how to expend resources.
Each type has a strength and many positive qualities. But as anyone who’s taken a StrengthsFinder assessment knows, overused strengths can become liabilities.
And when operating from a place of fear and worry, each type struggles to let go of certain items, hitting a specific roadblock.3
Multiple archetypes might resonate with you (especially for different categories of stuff), but the authors assert that you’ll likely “default to one particular archetype 95 percent of the time.”
Once you identify your default type, you can coach yourself through your block effectively, thereby unburdening yourself of your stuff (the book goes into more detail about how to do this).
When push comes to shove, Ross and I both default to the Practical type, so we had to be coached to get rid of things like mystery keys; the desks seen in the “before” picture; and our course readers from business school.4
We knew we’d come a long way when in our decluttering session last month, we both agreed to donate the beach tent without any coaching.
Is there a specific category of things you struggle to let go of? What have you found has worked for you? I’d love to hear in the comments if you’re willing to share!
Instead of keeping something, try this
One of the powerful techniques I learned from my work with various experts is to employ alternatives to keeping something.
Here are a few techniques we now regularly use instead:
Give it to someone intentionally — while most of of us think of donating items en masse to organizations such as Goodwill or Salvation Army, I get great satisfaction from identifying a new owner who will genuinely appreciate a specific item. After our recent decluttering session, I reached out to a few people I suspected would want particular items. I found a new home for my kids’ Pokémon cards and donated a Snap Circuits set to my fourth grader’s teachers for their annual unit on electricity. While it’s not always realistic or efficient to do this for everything, I’ve found that especially for beloved items in excellent condition, it makes a difference when we can picture the item used happily in a new home.
Keep only a small subset — when my parents downsized from a four bedroom house with a full basement and attic to a smaller condo, I inherited a considerable amount of their stuff, including multiple sets of formal dishes from both of my grandmothers (meanwhile, we barely use the set we received for our own wedding). From the experts, I learned the power of keeping a small subset to represent a larger set. In the case of the formal dishes, I kept two cups and saucers from each set of dishes (since I loved having tea and cookies with both grandmothers) and passed along the rest.
Take a picture — this honors the memory of something, allowing you to release the item itself. I’ve done this with all sorts of items, including, awards, cards, and my children’s artwork. When my kids were younger and very prolific artists, I discovered a brilliant service called Artkive. You receive a box that you fill with a selection of artwork; Artkive photographs artwork you put in the box and sends you back a printed book of the photos (you can use this link for $20 off your first purchase). I also do this for my own memorabilia. The picture below is something I’d kept from my Gap Inc. days — an award I received for founding and chairing the employee resource group for parents. I’m proud of this accomplishment, but I don’t need to keep this award forever. Instead, when I came across this last month, I took a photo, recycled the insert, and donated the frame.
Embrace constraints
It’s human nature to find constraints limiting. But there’s a reason for the maxim “constraints breed creativity.” It turns out that leaning into constraints can help you in your quest to streamline.
Here are three ways I’ve harnessed constraints successfully:
Time constraints: choose a date to tackle your clutter. Gretchen Rubin says, “Something that can be done at any time is often done at no time.” I’ve found that putting a specific date for a decluttering session on our calendar forces us to get it done. Hiring someone to show up at an appointed day and time provides accountability, eliminating the possibility of rescheduling at the last minute (a generous friend can also serve this purpose!).
Space constraints: allow your available space to dictate how much you can put into it. We have a small bookcase we purchased for our older son’s room when he was a baby. Over the years, my kids have been gifted a tremendous number of books (my mom was a children’s librarian and my father is determined to carry on her legacy by gifting them books liberally). We have been ruthless about donating books as our kids tire of them so we can continue to store them in the same bookcase without expanding.
Financial constraints: anyone who’s shopped at the Container Store knows that one can spend a small fortune on storage solutions. While we’ve certainly invested in our fair share of bins and boxes in the past, this time we challenged ourselves to minimize new purchases, repurposing items we already had instead. While our organizer did make one trip to the Container Store on our behalf, I’m proud to report that the total was less than $40. Victory!
Behind the Scenes
Loyal Practically Deliberate readers will notice that the “Abby’s Latest” section (where I typically share something I love) is getting a new name temporarily...because I have a very exciting announcement!
Three months from now, on April 8, the paperback version of Money and Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life’s Biggest Decisions, the book I co-authored with Myra Strober, will be published.
Collaborating with my former professor, mentor, and dear friend Myra on this book has been one of the highlights of my career (and life).
But because I was working full-time for Gap Inc. while writing the book, I couldn’t broadly share what was happening behind-the-scenes at the time.
With the paperback coming out in April, I’m officially declaring a re-do.
The first exciting moment I wish I’d shared: the screenshot from the Publishers Marketplace deal report (the first proof that our proposal would get to be a book)!
At the time, I didn't realize that sharing this screenshot was a thing…but apparently it's become SUCH a thing that the Atlantic just ran a pretty hilarious story about it [gift link].
The eagle-eyed among you will observe that the book was sold as LOVE & MONEY, whereas the published version is called MONEY & LOVE.
From the beginning, we wanted this book to appeal to readers of all genders, not just women. The advice we got from our publisher (which we subsequently validated through interviews) was to list MONEY first in the title. So MONEY & LOVE it is!
I look forward to sharing more behind-the-scenes glimpses with you in the coming months. Thanks for being part of the journey!
Deliberately yours,
Abby
P.S. If organizing reads are your jam, check out
’s Container Store post and this recent New Yorker article about a new book I can’t wait to devour.
Our home is 1,600 square feet, which is not all that small for an urban home in California. However, in 2022, the U.S. Census found that the median size of a completed, newly built single-family home was 2,299 square feet — 43% bigger than ours!
Fumio Sasaki, Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism, trans. Eriko Sugita (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2017), p. 82.
Cary Telander Fortin and Kyle Louise Quilici, New Minimalism: Decluttering and Design for Sustainable, Intentional Living (New York: Sasquatch Books, 2018), p. 39, 44, 51, 55.
Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but I think we may still have some of those.
This is my decluttering year, we’re in 1000 square feet with a garage that couldn’t fit a smart car and while things aren’t bad, I just think we need a little more free space. I don’t want to have to move things to get to other things.
I have to admit recently I have been slowly decluttering. A few years back I was introduced to Marie Kondo and the idea of an item 'sparks joy'. Now when I declutter I think if this item benefits me. If it could benefit someone else more - I re-home it.