One Foot in Front of the Other
How to move forward when things feel overwhelming
I love hiking in the mountains, and I’ve been fortunate to go hiking and snow-shoeing (which is basically hiking in snow) several times this past month.
On two different trails - one rocky and one snow-covered - I found myself on terrain that got unexpectedly steep.
When I looked up at the distance I still had to climb, I felt dizzy and daunted. In order to move forward, I had to look down at my feet and focus only on the next step. And then the next one. After several minutes of doing that, the ground leveled off, and I was able to catch my breath, turn around, and marvel at how far I’d come.
As on the hiking trail, in life we sometimes find ourselves traversing unexpectedly steep stretches where the path ahead feels especially daunting.
I call this ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time, and I’ve found there are a few things that can help. I’ll share three of them in today’s post.
But first, it’s important to understand how to identify when you’re in this time.
Are you in ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time?
Is the terrain you’re on unfamiliar and scary? Are you feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of what’s ahead?
Perhaps you’re dealing with a new diagnosis (yours or someone you love’s), or the treatment following a diagnosis. A new role at work, or even starting a new big project. Welcoming a child. A move. Losing a loved one. An accident. Getting laid off. A divorce. The list goes on.
‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time often accompanies the disruptive events that
writes about in Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age.According to Feiler’s research, we will each experience around three dozen ‘disrupters’ in our adult lives—about one every 12 to 18 months. We experience the largest percentage of these in our relationships, followed by our identities, beliefs, careers and bodies.1
Even though it was eleven years ago, I distinctly remember my first few weeks back at work after having a baby. I had accepted a new job at 38-weeks pregnant, and I started when my son was four months old.
I wanted to nurse him for a year, which at that point meant pumping three times a day at work. Which felt impossible.2
Frankly, everything felt impossible.
A few weeks in, a friend with a toddler asked how it was going with the new job and the new baby. I confessed that it was A LOT, and I didn’t know if I could keep pumping for another eight months.
“You don’t need to decide that now,” she counseled. “All you have to decide is whether you can do it tomorrow.”
Suddenly, things seemed more manageable.
Her sage advice is summed up in this cartoon by Liz Fosslien, co-author of the brilliant book No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work.3
There are certainly times it makes sense to zoom out to get the 40,000 foot view. But ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time is not that time.
So what can help, beyond naming the fact that you’re in ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time (which is actually quite helpful to do) and taking it one step at a time?
Find a visual way to mark progress
In my last post, I shared how I decided to leave my dream job.
You might expect that after spending more than two years considering my next move, I’d feel immediate joy and relief once I decided to pursue my passion project full-time.
That’s not what happened.
Instead, I felt extremely conflicted. Waiting to give notice until my bonus appeared in my bank account meant spending another several months carrying on as if nothing had changed.
In my company, those particular months happened to coincide with setting annual team and individual goals and delivering (and receiving) performance reviews.
I value honesty and have trouble even telling white lies; I knew the cognitive dissonance involved in keeping mum about my decision to my colleagues would be significant.
I mentioned this challenge to my women’s circle and another member had a brilliant solution.
She gifted me two chocolate advent calendars (which were deeply discounted, since it was after Christmas) and instructed me to open one door every day until I could share my news.
The act of opening one door daily helped me see that I was getting closer to my goal and I wouldn’t be experiencing cognitive dissonance for long. We did it after dinner, and my kids took turns opening the doors and eating the chocolate inside.
Because my family participated, it had the added benefit of helping me feel less alone and supported during a difficult time.
Humans are wired to make progress towards goals. Whether it’s crossing off days on a calendar, tearing links on a paper chain, or even just drawing hash marks on a piece of paper, marking daily progress (when getting through each day is a victory) can be motivating and helpful.
This works best when your ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time has a clear end date. So what if you don’t know how long this time will last?
Focus on low-effort mood boosts
When my mother entered hospice care in Fall 2020, it layered grief upon grief upon grief. I was already experiencing the disruption of life due to the pandemic; dealing with unbreathable air due to California wildfires; and now I was facing the imminent loss of my mother.
On a non-smoky air day, I went for a masked walk with a friend who had recently lost her own mother. I asked how she had coped when her mom entered hospice care.
She advised me to get out an index card and write down 10 small things that I’d look forward to and would make me feel better if I did them. She told me to keep the notecard on my desk and to make sure I did at least one of those things each day.
I followed her advice and made my notecard. The things I listed weren’t grand experiences — quite the opposite. They were low-effort things that required little planning or activation energy (for me; everyone is different), but that would boost my mood if I did them.
Having the notecard on my desk was truly helpful, because when you’re feeling awful, it can be hard to remember what can help you feel better. I set a reminder on my phone, and if I hadn’t done something on the notecard by the time it popped up at 4 pm, I would do my best to fit something in before the end of the day.
Introduce an anchoring practice
I’ve written before about how rituals are grounding. During ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time, we need this grounding more than ever.
Just like an anchor helps secure a boat and keep it from drifting off course, an anchoring practice helps keep you from drifting off course when you’re trying your hardest to just put one foot in front of the other.
If you don’t already have an anchoring practice — something you do every day that helps you feel more grounded — it can be extremely helpful to introduce one. Ideally before you find yourself in ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time, but it’s never too late.
My current anchoring practice is meditating for 10 minutes first thing in the morning (I’ve maintained this practice every day since I returned from my January meditation retreat, which feels like a victory). At other times, my anchoring practice has been taking a morning walk or writing morning pages.
An anchoring practice doesn’t need to be done in the morning but I find it’s easier to fit this practice in before the day gets too far underway and others’ needs present themselves (especially if you provide care for said others).
Abby’s Latest
Ever since high school, I’ve used a paper planner to organize my time and keep track of priorities and tasks. Whenever I’ve attempted to go fully digital, I always go back to a paper planner (which I use in conjunction with digital tools).
I’ve experimented with various planners over the years, but five years ago I discovered the Panda Planner, and now it’s my go-to paper planner.
I’ve found the right planner can be especially helpful during ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time.
Michael Leip, the creator of Panda Planner, designed it to address his needs during his own ‘One Foot in Front of the Other’ Time: a five-year period where he was dealing with Lyme disease, a traumatic brain injury, and cancer.
I love that this planner:
Is undated (you fill in the dates, so you can start it at any time)
Focuses on an achievable number of priorities, habits, and projects
Provides prompts to address mental health and productivity
I use the 3 Month Panda Classic, but there are lots of versions you can try out.
If you’d like, you can enter code “ABBYD” at checkout to save 15%.
[Note: these are affiliate links, so I earn a small commission at no cost to you.]
Deliberately yours,
Abby
Bruce Feiler, Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age (New York: Penguin, 2020), 16.
I wanted to nurse for a year for various reasons, including the fact that my son was hospitalized with RSV at 10 days old (and breastfed babies have lower recurrences of RSV). I realize a fed baby is a happy baby, and there’s absolutely no judgement here for those who make different choices!
I love this book so much I gifted it to my whole team when it came out.
Sage advice, thank you. Many years ago, when I was training for my first half marathon, I was pretty daunted by some of the hills that would come later in the race, when I knew I'd be tired. A veteran marathoner said to me, "How do you eat an elephant? One bit a a time. Hills the same way. Let go of keeping your pace and just worry about keeping your effort about the same." That pace vs effort idea, along with one foot in front of the other, became two concepts I've used again and again, in running, in work, in life.
Wise advice, @Abby Davisson