How to Survive the Year-End Swirl
What to do instead of just trying to keep it together
Welcome to the final frenetic few weeks of 2025. If the year is a funnel, then we’ve reached the narrow spout where everything accelerates and spirals.
At work, we’re not quite circling back after the new year (yet); in our non-work hours, we’re still wildly optimistic about fitting in all the festive gatherings and school performances we’ve committed to attending.
How are we supposed to keep our wits about us as the days swirl faster and faster?
My hot take? We’re not. So let’s not try.
Instead, all we can do is pay attention to how we feel in the swirl, and then adjust accordingly.
In this post [a 5 minute read], you’ll learn:
Why feelings are an important form of information;
Why this information matters (especially when life is chaotic);
How to expand your feelings vocabulary
Feelings are information
Back in May, I attended my college reunion. I joined a class on emotional intelligence where the professor, Dr. Marc Brackett, shared something equal parts intriguing and depressing: in surveys of current Yale undergraduates, a majority report feeling anxious and stressed.
The top emotion behind that anxiety?
Envy.
Students worry that others are smarter, more attractive, more likely to succeed.
As the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, Dr. Brackett’s response is not to reassure students they’ll be ok – it’s to give them permission to feel.
That’s the name of his first book, which I devoured after attending his class at my reunion.1 It’s also why I’ve become more than a little obsessed with feelings.
Lest you dismiss feelings as too fluffy, Dr. Brackett reminds us that “feelings are a form of information. They’re like news reports from inside our psyches sending messages about what’s going on inside…each of us in response to whatever internal or external events we’re experiencing. We need to access that information and then figure out what it’s telling us. That way we can make the most informed decisions.”2
Why feelings matter
Beyond our decisions, it turns out that emotions drive many other aspects of our lives — from our relationships to our performance at work.
Dr. Brackett notes that there are two kinds of emotions that influence us: integral and incidental.
Integral emotions are directly caused by whatever we’re doing – if we’re waiting for test results from a doctor and are feeling anxious, that’s an integral emotion because it’s connected to the moment.
Incidental emotions have nothing to do with what’s happening in the moment – if we fight with our partner before work and our lingering feeling of frustration makes us snap at a colleague, that’s an incidental emotion.
By recognizing our feelings – both the integral and incidental ones – we have a better shot of preventing them from taking over our lives.
As Dr. Brackett writes, “If we can learn to identify, express, and harness our feelings, even the most challenging ones, we can use those emotions to create positive, satisfying lives.”3
How to get better at feelings
So we just identify, express, and harness our emotions?
Sounds simple — except most of us weren’t taught the language of emotions.
I wasn’t. I’ve looked at the feeling wheel many times (I even posted it by our kitchen table), but my emotional vocabulary is still more limited than I’d like.
That’s why in addition to reading Permission to Feel, I also downloaded a free app Dr. Brackett helped develop called How We Feel. Unlike the feeling wheel, it’s been a game-changer.
Here’s how it works:
Check in throughout the day
Choose your energy + pleasantness level
Select from specific emotions (with definitions!)
Note what you’re doing and who you’re with
As a visual person, I appreciate that the app is beautiful. As a data nerd, I love that it syncs with fitness apps, weather data, and more to show connections between your emotions and external factors.
Based on several months of tracking my feelings, I observed these patterns:
When I was outside, I felt only pleasant emotions. I felt the highest percentage of unpleasant emotions when I was commuting and at home.
On days when I did 60+ minutes of physical activity, I felt the highest percentage of pleasant emotions.
On days I meditated for less than 10 minutes, I felt more unpleasant emotions.
While the goal isn’t necessarily to maximize pleasant emotions and minimize unpleasant ones, understanding these patterns can be helpful.
Based on this information, I’m doing my best to maintain my meditation practice and physical activity (ideally outside!) in these final weeks of the swirl.
A bonus benefit
If part of your role is helping others identify and regulate their own emotions, this app can serve as a useful tool in your toolkit.
Back in June (another hectic time of year), my younger son graduated from fourth grade. At his school, it’s a big transition; it means moving from the lower school campus to the middle school building. We could tell he had feelings about that, but he didn’t want to talk about them.4
On the last day of school, students and their families traditionally gather in a nearby park to celebrate, but we had other plans and couldn’t join.
After school, he asked again if we could go to the park. I gently reminded him that we couldn’t, and I could see that he was upset. Rather than ask (yet again) if he wanted to talk about it, I handed him my phone and encouraged him to do a check-in using the How We Feel app.
In typical 10-year-old fashion, he said, “Ok, but only if I don’t have to talk about it.”
A few minutes later, he handed me my phone back with the following feelings selected:
I don’t know about you, but when I was ten I’m not sure I knew I could have eight feelings at once, let alone the ability to name them. In fact, I’m still working on this!
As we’re carried further into the year-end spiral, I imagine we all might be feeling a similar number and range of emotions.
Why not give tracking your feelings a try and see if it helps? Of course, simply noting your emotions in the notes app on your phone or jotting them down on a piece of paper works if you don’t want to download a separate app. Tell me how it goes in the comments!
Abby’s Latest
I’m back to strength training after being sidelined by a pinched nerve in my shoulder earlier this year. I recently joined a local strength studio and am really appreciating the added accountability and expert supervision (I want to avoid future injuries!).
Because my hands get sweaty when I exercise, I use these Props Athletics fingerless gloves to give me a better grip. I’ve had mine for years, and they’ve held up amazingly well. I just toss them in the washer from time to time to keep them smelling fresh. No affiliate links here, just a fan! Mine are size small and I have the color pictured below, in case you’re wondering.
Deliberately yours,
Abby
He’s since published another book, which I look forward to reading. Check out all the books on the Practically Deliberate recommended reading list!
Marc Brackett, Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive (New York: Celadon Books, 2020), p. 17.
Ibid, p. 11.
With some distance, I’m now sharing this story with his permission.
Love this app recommendation, Abby! I'm already trying it out. It would be so useful for my coaching clients.
Thanks for this post and reminder. Leonard Mlodinov’s book Emotional is another great resource on this topic.